And then I Almost Died

There was really no getting out of it today. It was distance run day. And this early in my training, that distance was JUST three miles. It sounds so small, doesn't it? Three? I spent a lot of time sitting around this morning thinking about how I didn't want to do it. And then I slogged into my room, slowly geared up, and sighed as I decided to just get it over with. Three sounds so small. I'd just get it over quickly, and get on with my day. 

Running is as much of a mind game as it is a physical sport. At only a quarter mile in I get bored, start calculating how much longer I have to go, start thinking about everything else I could be doing (like anything OTHER than running). Pretty soon I'm fully in my own world, my little Jen bubble that I retract into in order to survive. I'm talking myself around each bend, telling my legs that if they get me through this I promise I'll let them wear pajamas the entire rest of the day. 

I took a new route today, and as I hit 1 mile I ran past a park. And I was thirsty. I decided to take the hit in my time (because it is so fast, right?) and grab water at the fountain quickly. As I was drinking I felt it. That feeling you get when someone is staring at you. I'm only half present, already red-faced and exhausted. I lift my head up and it isn't just ONE someone staring; it's a whole birthday party. Because I am standing on a bouncy house laid out to be blown up. And 20 or more kids are staring at me, open-mouthed, confused. No one really knew what to say, probably because I looked scary, chubby, and feral. My first reaction SHOULD have been to move and carry on. However, I couldn't help but notice the cake. It was HUGE! I thought about holding that bouncy house hostage until I got a piece to go, but then I realized it'd be difficult to eat whilst running. And, it might be a tad counterproductive. At this point, after causing a minor scene, I quickly left. Without cake. Whatevs. 

After the break it took a bit to get back into my zone, get my momentum back. And as soon as I did, I rounded the corner and stared up at a giant ass hill. Giant. Ass. Hill. Seriously. I thought about turning around and going back for cake. But I didn't; I teared up a little, and started up the hill, muttering every profane word I could think of in that moment. That hill was big for no reason; I saw no purpose to that hill other than to torment me. Really, housing tract designers? Random giant hills? Great. And then it happened: I almost died.

I was running EXTREMELY slow up the terrible hill when a car began backing out of a driveway. I stopped on the street to wait for the car to back out. Then the car stopped, and where I come from, this was the car's way of saying, "Go ahead, chubby kid. Run along. I can wait." So I gave my friendly little wave, and took off again running. However, that car and I had some sort of miscommunication, because right at that moment the driver began to reverse quickly. Into me. I screamed and started to run away from the car quickly, imagining how painful it was going to be to be run over. My life didn't flash before my eyes, contrary to popular opinion. I only thought of two things: 1. Great, I'm going to die running. And 2. I should've had some damn cake.

My girly screaming must've caught the driver's attention, as she quickly hit the brakes about an inch away from me. I quickly started running away, when the driver (an elderly woman) slowly pulled up next to me to apologize.

Driver: "I'm really sorry! I almost hit you! Are you okay?"

Me: "I... Well... Yeah. I mean, Yeah."

Driver: "I am so sorry. I can't believe it!"

Me: "I mean, I guess you would've been doing me a favor. Now I have to finish running up this hill."

Driver: "Is there anything I can do? Do you need a ride?"

Was she crazy? I was NOT getting in that car.

Me: "No, I'm okay. I'll be fine."

Driver: "Is there anything I can do?"

Me: "No. I mean, Hallmark probably doesn't make a card for this. Maybe a fruit basket. Or cake."

Driver: "Huh?"

Me: "Right. Well, bye."

I mean, a fruit basket would have been fine. But I wasn't going to press the issue. I just wanted to get home at that point. 

The good news? Almost dying helps your mile time. The second half of my run I went noticeably faster. And was slightly more aware of my surroundings. If you're not careful, you can accidentally crash parties or even die. Running books don't tell you that. You're welcome.